MINDLESS CONTRABANDS

=[

2006-11-24T20:33:16Z

ive fallen for a boy that his arms are much too far to catch me.

i feel more lonely than ever.

and so.

2006-11-16T03:16:33Z

my mind is boggled taking a down course in three directions... none of which i want to go.

my heart needs mending still, a tattered heart can bare to love again.

obsolete rush of nothingness.

2006-11-06T23:11:07Z

the last thing i wrote in here is well over a year old.
and i an well over a year older will newer problems and older scars.

a year ago i was stuck in a spiral of metric proportions, now i cant seem to deal with just the small things in life.

a year ago my body was innocent and pure, and now ive ripped my insides apart and poisioned my soul to leave an imprint, a carbon copy of being the same as the next fucker to walk by.

a year ago, i was in love, a year later id like to think i am.

a year ago i had trust friends.

however now, i have no trust in anyone.

its so funny how people just grow up.

i feel amazing today.

2005-03-21T19:35:50Z

yea so sorry ive kinda dissapeared. i look at the page everyday i just havent had anything that incredibly interesting happen to me.
HOWEVER that has changed.
i dyed my hair haha.

im at my new good buddy andrews house.

2005-03-19T02:00:51Z

hes a smart guy. hes brought alot to my attention.

i dont kno if that is a good thing or not.

frankly love, i dont trust you.

and i dont like that.

=/

guess the fuck what.

2005-03-17T05:19:28Z

shannon song rivituso

loves

michael chase fontana

Shae Face got a car.

2005-03-08T00:46:35Z

woot.

and i love michael.

are you ready to rock?

2005-03-05T22:31:36Z

tonite is gunna be fun.

but i feel like something is going to go terribly wrong.

[beat] :thump: [pop pop] i think my heart isnt working.

2005-03-05T01:42:25Z

im turning the table mother fuckers.

ive had my hope let down one to many time.
you wanna flake out on me?
~~fuck you~~
i dont give a shit anymore.

its time for this tattered spirit to break some hearts of her own.
so, gentleman get ready to shatter.
cus im gunna bash some head god damnit.

im tired of little boys bullshit.

i want you all to think about something.

2005-03-03T03:39:29Z

[if i dont wear make-up does that mean im not as pretty as the other grrls?]
:if im pretty without make-up, does that make me beautiful with?:
[which one is more attractive?...]
:a grrl who is cute with natually beauty.:
[or a grrl who is gorgeous with the help of make-up.]

i thought i knew the answer.
~~but i was wrong~~
the fine line of beauty has been b l u r r e d .

remember that beauty isnt skin deep.
no really.. its not
beauty is what you make it to be.
beauty is what you LET it be.

♥ shannon song rivituso.

gag.

2005-03-02T22:59:17Z

i was riding in dereks black beauty blazer on the way home. there was 8 of us in there and we were all singing along to greed day - good ridance.

i glanced around to notice, wow, im content. things are really beging to be put where they need to be.

its like michael said, my shattered heart is like a puzzle, it will take time be we can put all the peices back eventually.

on a side note, justins spactacular. yes SURPRISE, i like someone thats not michael and if you wanna critisize me, tell someone else, cus i dont wanna hear it.

im happy rite now. i may not be tomorrow, but i am rite now and im going to take advantage of that. im happy that michael and i are still best friends and he understands that just cus i like justin doesnt me i dont want him in my life still.

and justin just pushes my buttons. hes so beautiful. and he makes me laugh. and he TALKS to me. about important stuff, not just how "hot" i am. he tries to help me and its great.

bah. nice.

ready, set, go...

2005-03-01T01:16:42Z

ok, lets try this one more time.

in the mean time, i really wanna see him.

secrets.

2005-02-28T03:34:31Z

i wonder if he thinks of me like i have been thinking of him.
i wonder if when he sleeps, his head spins with dreams of our embrace.
i wonder if when our lips meet, his heart stops breathing.
or when we say good-bye he tears up inside.

doubt it.

i need to stop doing this to myself.

yesterday was great.

2005-02-28T01:37:26Z

he is great.

iloveyou so.. i hope i never see your face again.

2005-02-26T09:14:07Z

un FUCKING believeable.

this revese process hurts.

2005-02-24T22:45:41Z

yea so do like to make me vomit?
i cant fucking take this anymore.

im about two minutes from ripping my hair out.
i think i might just fucking rip my heart out
and give it to you, to make things official.

here let me just break all my fingers so you cant hold my hand.
how about i break my legs so i can't run to you.
how about i just finish myself off for you?

you are so worthless yet i love you unconditionally.

i just got done untangling my insides.

2005-02-24T03:32:34Z

and you managed to mess them up again.

i found just the rite tape to hold my heart together to last me through the nite and you managed to splay all the old rips open and piss on them.

how many times am i gunna let you do this to me?

yea yea so the story goes.

2005-02-23T03:07:56Z

[i had a weekend with out you in my thoughts but maybe twice.]
[i kno it sounds so wrong, but i cared not of you at all.]

:i flirted with boys:
:i got butterflies by someone that was not you:
:a boy kissed me:
~~i kissed back.~~

[with school time broaching near]
[i had not a care in the world]

until a phone call.
a call that rendered my world.
a call that froze time in place.

now my insides are twisted up like a fucking balloon animal.
my intestines are convulsing.
im about to vomit my god damn brain rite out of my chapped mouth.

[no matter how hard i try to forget you]
[you just wont let me, will you?]
[no you won't]

now my face tingles from the salty tears of the weekend.
my cheeks puffy, my vision blurry.
i feel like throwing up everything ive eaten since the 6th grade.

[it all boils down to you doesnt it?]
[you will always be my end result]
[you will always be what i run to]

but dont get me wrong precious.
♥
♥
♥
♥

you are e t e r n a l
i|love|you.

i dont feel like typing. so here are some pictures.

2005-02-22T03:29:56Z

i wish josh would call me bak.
i wish he would leave me alone.
my brain hurts.

tell me how beautiful i am.
its not like i have any friends on ths anyway.

smoo.

2005-02-13T18:42:37Z

ill miss your live journal <3

i didnt realize that being happy can be so stressful.

2005-02-12T07:29:49Z

im in a good place in my life. i love him, he loves me, things mite work.

but at the same time, so much shit is going down. counseling starts next week. i hate this, i feel like a mental patient. my sister is about to call it quits and move to missouri. blah, just stuff.

but at the same time, i laugh all day, and smile uncontrollable. thank you life, youve seemed to baffle me once again.

DARLING you are perfect.

2005-02-09T01:07:16Z

SMASHiNG PUMPKiNS - perfect

I know we're just like old friends
We just can't pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can't help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you're just like me
Next time I promise we'll be
~~Perfect~~
Perfect
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was...

Angel, you know it's not the end
We'll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please, you always were so free
You'll see, I promise we'll be
Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we meet

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always we're so free
We promised that we'd be
Perfect

im in the movies.

2005-02-04T04:36:45Z

i make my own movies.

because im a ~~STAR.~~

no matter what hardships we indure.

2005-02-03T03:51:41Z

its funny how no matter what we go through. no matter how much i hurt you, or you hurt me, no matter how much i try to pretend i dont miss you, no matter how much we ignore eachother, no matter how far apart we are... we will always feel the same pain. we will always go through them together, whether we are together or not.

i missed you saskia. and i love you dearly.

my heart hurts.

2005-02-01T04:46:12Z

[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you.

[02] I will then tell you what song/BAND reminds me of you.

[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.

[04] Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.

[05] Put this in your journal.